Thursday, February 12, 2015
I am truly grateful today! I can honestly say that too. And a grateful addict will never use. So I gotta keep this going. Today I'm going to be short and sweet. I've had my mouth closed for a minute trying to keep up with my school work. But I've been doing great! Life couldn't bee better. Of course, I'm not walking on cloud 9 the whole time, I have my moments, but I'm glad those moments that I have I'm clean and sober. Like right now I'm going through something because I'm trying to get some legal bills paid and I can't get through to a human...it's all automated! I need certain info to pay online that only this agency can give me. I might even get a violation of my probation if someone doesn't call me back before 5pm today. But you know what? God's got me. And if it's meant to happen, it's mean to happen. I did my part. I left a message. and the answering machine message said, "If you leave multiple messages, your call will not be returned." So I left one, that's all I can do. Anyway...that's what I'm talking about. I'm not on cloud 9, but life is good! I'm alive and clean and thank God, today I have the money to actually pay these legal bills. Before, I would have been violated because I spent the money on substances. But not today! So, if your day isn't going right, just think about, life could be a lot worse. And there will never be anything coming at you that you can't handle. I promise that!Follow my blog with Bloglovin
Friday, February 6, 2015
Well everyone! I'm still doing awesomely!! I am still clean and I feel great! It makes me wonder, what took me so long? When I'm in the grip of active addiction, I can't see anything else but the drug. I don't realize I haven't cleaned the house or made dinner or showered. I know....it's awful! But that's what active addiction does to me. I am so glad the obsession has been lifted. I can be clean but obsess over the drug! So I'm celebrating my obsession free time. It's a great day to be alive, clean and obsession free! I am a truly blessed person. The God of my understanding is good to me. Number 1 reason is I am still alive! The situations I used to put myself in, I could've been snatched up anytime (not even from the drug itself). But there was a different plan for me. One that included a very loving son. I was told at the age of 16, that I would not have children due to my "lack of self-respect". I caught something that could be cured with antibiotics, but by the time I realized anything was wrong, it was too late the damage had been done. So 10 years later, when my doctor told me I was pregnant...it was a MIRACLE! I always wanted a little boy, from the time I was young. I wanted to name him after my father, and my prayer was answered. So, you see, I have another incredible miracle to be thankful for. And the love that this child has for me, is UNBELIEVABLE! Everything I put him through, (because when I am in active addiction, my family suffers right there with me) he still loves me. And then 3 years later I was blessed with the most amazing man I've ever met (although at the time I had no clue that this was my soul mate). He has stuck by my side through thick and thin and back to thick. He is a recovering addict as well, and through all my relapses, he never once did. His explanation is that, he knew if he "went down that path with me, that would be the end of us as a family". He wasn't willing to give me and my son up for anything. And believe me, there were times where I pushed him to leave. I did everything in my power to try and make him go. Not because I really wanted him to leave. But because I felt like I wasn't worth a thing. He kept telling me he loved me and I was gonna show him that that's impossible. He really doesn't love me and never will love someone like me. But he stayed, and picked me up, and showed me what TRUE LOVE really was. Not physical attraction or love in good times and good times. But that he had UNCONDITIONAL LOVE for me. So...I have 3 strong miracles in my life. I'm alive, I have a child and I have someone who loves me unconditionally. My life is complete. I am truly blessed. I need to remember these things if ever my disease wants to creep up on me. And I needed to share this blog with everyone. So I thank you for reading.