Learn to Love Yourself

Wednesday, April 29, 2015


Hello, Everyone!!
Today a very special blogger, Ashely at Chronicles of a Cold Texan nominated me for the Liebster Award! I just want to talk about this amazing lady for a moment. She is originally from Texas and currently lives in Finland. Her blog is about her tales, or so, in her journey from being a Texan to living in Finland. But she writes about so much more. She is an amazing blogger, a rare gem, and you would be my honor for you to check out her blog.

With that said, I want to say, thank you, Ashley, from the bottom of my heart. When I read my name in the nominee section, I wanted to cry.

This Award is a way us to expose newer bloggers, which we think are pretty impressive, and share them with the world. To let them know, they are doing an excellent job and keep writing. As Ashley said, "a virtual high-five."

Ashley has asked me eight questions:

1. How did you come up with the title of your blog and what it would be about?
Many of you know that I suffer from the disease of addiction. During my struggles, I lost my self-esteem. I lost how to love myself. This blog is a way for me to get back what I lost.

2. What inspires you write?
I am very honest with my readers, and if I have cravings or a relapse, they are the first to know. Being accountable to someone is a huge help in my battle with recovery. The longer I stay clean, the more I build back my self-esteem. The more I write, the quicker I "Learn to Love Myself."

3. Please share ten random facts about yourself.
1. I am a Philly girl trying to make her way down south.
2. I've been battling with addiction for over 20 years.
3. I am finally following my dream of going into the law field and went back to school.
4. Along with the disease of addiction, I suffer from mental illness.
5. I have one miracle son (I was told at the age of 16 that I could not have children)
6. My father past when I was eight, and it was the biggest devastation in my life.
7. I am engaged to a wonderful man who is a support for me with my battle.
8. I have two beautiful step-daughters from my 1st marriage and six step-grandchildren (and one on the way).
9. I can drink coffee black, with cream, with sugar, or with cream and sugar, morning, noon and night.
10. Summer is my favorite season, the cold goes right through to my bones.

4. How do you like to spend your spare time when you are not blogging?

When I am not blogging or studying, I love to go to the lake, Lake Travis, with my family.

5. What is the number one thing you have on your "bucket list"?
To complete law school.

6. Who/What are 3 blogs you love?
Chronicles of a Cold Texan
From Struggle to Strength
Jingle Jangle Jungle

7. What is your proudest moment?
The night I had my son.

8. What is the trend you've been loving lately?
I love the fact that America is opening up its minds, and gay people are allowed to be married in some states.

My nominees:
Eric Ease - From Struggle to Strength
Mary Burris - Jingle Jangle Jungle
Alison Ferrier- I Just Wanna Hear Some Rhythm

The rules for the nominees:
Acknowledge the blog who nominated you
Answer the questions I've asked of you
Nominate (and inform) 3-10 bloggers with generally less than 200 followers. (I took that word generally and used it :))

Ask them your questions
Share the LOVE!!

My questions for the nominees:
1.  How did you come up with the title of your blog and what it would be about?
2.  What inspires you to write?
3.  What started you blogging?
4.  What are ten random facts about you?
5.  What is your favorite season and why?
6.  What are your three favorite blogs?
7.  What did you want to be when you grew up?
8.  What is the #1 thing on your bucket list?
9.  Describe yourself in one sentence.
10. What is your favorite social media outlet and why?

Tuesday, April 7, 2015

People Do Care

Hello Everyone! I had a goal to start blogging on a regular basis again for April. Here it is April 7th, and I'm just starting. But hey, at least I'm doing it!!

So, I've been so busy with school work, but...
I've remained clean!

I need to start blogging again about my addiction because it helps ME! I just read some comments on my last blog, "Not Working the Steps Yet", and they made me feel so good! One comment was from a nonaddict. I read her blog all of the time; she's great, and it made me feel good that she read and commented on mine. So that's one boost for my self-esteem!!! And the second comment was from an addict/alcoholic. (Not active.) She also made me feel good, she commented that, not everything works for everyone (in so many words). She let me know what worked for her and gave me suggestions. I love suggestions from people. It means to me that they care! I have to believe that everyday clean is a good day. I also received a phone call from a relative 2 minutes after my last blog posted. She told me how proud she was of me and that I'm doing a wonderful job! Sometimes I need to hear things like that to remind me  that:
every clean addict is a miracle! 

So, back to me staying clean. It's been a struggle; I'm not going to lie. But I'm doing it. One day at a time. One thing that is helping me is that I write to someone very dear to me and who is in jail. I consider this person a brother to me. I've been writing him a lot and letting him know what is going on with me. He is an addict as well, so he understands my craziness when no one else does. It truly is a help talking to another addict. I know, I have my fiance, who is not active and has been clean ten years. Maybe it's because he's invested so much emotion in me. Maybe it's because I think it is easier for him to stay clean. But somehow I feel that he doesn't totally understand my thinking. He asked me (a while back), "How are you feeling, not using?" My response was, "It's been a while since I've used, but I'm having cravings." That upset him. He expected me to say that I felt great and that I don't need that s***. I disappointed him. It's a constant struggle with me. Not a major one, but I think about using at least once a day. I even still have drug dreams. So, when I write my "brother" and tell him how I'm feeling, I know he understands because he lets me know how he's feeling. Don't get me wrong, I love my fiance to death. I just feel he doesn't get me in that area.

Many who don't understand will say, "Isn't your family enough to stay clean?" Staying clean or using isn't about them. It's about me and how I feel. I use over feelings. I know that feelings aren't facts, but they are real. I just have to remember that they also don't last forever; they too shall pass.

I know my triggers, first is boredom. That's a biggie for me. That's why it's easier for me to stay clean during school because I am so busy! My second trigger is feelings. Negative feelings trigger me more than positive ones. All it takes is for me to get depressed or feel like nothing matters. When life is tough and I want to give in is the worst! But I have to remember that this situation will not last forever. And I will be happy again soon! So, today is a new day, and I woke up, clean and happy!!

Before I go, I just want to thank you all for reading my blog. I know I can sometimes go off in crazy directions, and it might be difficult to follow. But I appreciate it. You comments keep me going. It's nice to know people care, people who don't even know me personally!