Learn to Love Yourself

Tuesday, December 23, 2014

LOOKING UP

As my head begins to clear and my medicine starts to work, (when I'm in active addiction I stop taking my mental health medication,) I begin to have good days. Now, I know not everyday will be a good day, but today was awesome! I also know a lot has to do with my medication, but a lot also has to do with me being clean and sober this Christmas.

I've already received much more help than I expected. Janey has been there on a recent bad day. I want so badly what she has.....sobriety for years. But I know I can only get there 1 day at a time.

So,why was my day so good? Because I realized I have EVERYTHING I NEED RIGHT HERE AT HOME! I have the greatest family. The most amazing little boy (who's not going to be little for long). His love alone is what I must remember when I get urges, cravings, crazy thoughts. The thing that scares me is an addict can justify using at any moment:

I'm happy.....I'm sad.....I'm bored.....I'm anything really, and guess who's an addict.


But for right now, tonight, I'm good. And I can't ask for more than that. And my fiancĂ©,  The Most Amazing Man In The World! You would think with all of his support, love and commitment, that I'd never slip. (Slip, what a sugar-coated word for using. ) But again.....any excuse.

Today is a good day though, and there is NO EXCUSE! I do promise, however, to be honest with myself and with you if I do relapse.

I want to thank you for being on this journey with me. It gives me accountability and gives me that extra push I need, as an addict, to be myself.....a recovering addict and not an active one.


(Names have been changed)