As my head begins to clear and my medicine starts to work, (when I'm in active addiction I stop taking my mental health medication,) I begin to have good days. Now, I know not everyday will be a good day, but today was awesome! I also know a lot has to do with my medication, but a lot also has to do with me being clean and sober this Christmas.
I've already received much more help than I expected. Janey has been there on a recent bad day. I want so badly what she has.....sobriety for years. But I know I can only get there 1 day at a time.
So,why was my day so good? Because I realized I have EVERYTHING I NEED RIGHT HERE AT HOME! I have the greatest family. The most amazing little boy (who's not going to be little for long). His love alone is what I must remember when I get urges, cravings, crazy thoughts. The thing that scares me is an addict can justify using at any moment:
I'm happy.....I'm sad.....I'm bored.....I'm anything really, and guess who's an addict.
But for right now, tonight, I'm good. And I can't ask for more than that. And my fiancé, The Most Amazing Man In The World! You would think with all of his support, love and commitment, that I'd never slip. (Slip, what a sugar-coated word for using. ) But again.....any excuse.
Today is a good day though, and there is NO EXCUSE! I do promise, however, to be honest with myself and with you if I do relapse.
I want to thank you for being on this journey with me. It gives me accountability and gives me that extra push I need, as an addict, to be myself.....a recovering addict and not an active one.
(Names have been changed)