Relapse is NOT a requirement, but it IS A REALITY (in recovery)
I thought, if someone just gave me the right ultimatum, I'd never use again. Why was I so different? Why couldn't I live without putting chemicals into my body? What was wrong with ME? I know people who, from the time they first stepped into the rooms....haven't relapsed. Why couldn't that be me? Take my fiancé, he decided 10 years ago that....that was it. He wasn't gonna live that way anymore. And that's that. He hasn't. Through all my B.S., nothing. I'm jealous of him and his ability to do that.
But.....THAT'S NOT ME....
So, what do I do? Simple really......
I have to be the one to make the decision to NEVER USE AGAIN!
That's right. So simple, yet so difficult. I must be the one to decide. No one can force me. No one can give me an ultimatum. No one can do it for me. So.....until something clicks inside of me, (I may need to hit my heas a few more times,) I'll just keep coming back.
Relapse is NOT a requirement, but it IS A REALITY (in my story)....
Hopefully it won't be for long. With each relapse I get closer to that beautiful day, where I can Learn to Love Myself enough to not put chemicals in my body.
No comments:
Post a Comment